“Jo’s lil bug”
Where do I even start when it comes to her... my mother was the most beautiful soul this earth got to encounter. Very fair skin with these high cheekbones people would pay good money for. Oldest of 7 sister, she was a tough lady, but still so funny. She
overcame so many obstacles and was able to raise 4 kids on her own. She kicked butt and showed me the true definition of a hard-working woman.
Growing up her and I were not close. I was a tomboy, I liked sports and she was a lady. When I was about 9 or 10 her and my father separated. I was so mad at her and didn’t understand why she would leave my dad, he was my hero at the time. He showed me life until I was 9. As I grew older, her and I became closer. Eventually, my dads true colors came out but my mama kept it G and did the damn thing. She showed me that you have to keep pushing even when times get tough. She never gave up, even on her last breath… oh boy here come the tears. She never sugar- coated anything with me. She was going to tell me things I needed to hear not what I wanted to hear. I remember her and I would share a room and let me tell you I drove her nuts. Still, she never once complained about me slapping her at night or having my funky breath on her. I left my stuff everywhere, but I think that came along with, oh my mom will pick it up for me later. She didn’t haha, she was going to wait till I came home. She was an easy woman to please. She didn’t ask much for her birthdays or other holidays but that’s what I loved most about her. She was loving but strict. She wasn’t going to let me fail and to this day, I will not fail because although she isn’t here physically I still have to carry on with life, not just for myself but for her!
The most difficult topic is always about spending her last moments with her. It was a bunch of emotions. She was fighting to not even go to the hospital but we finally got her in there. She spent about 3 weeks in the hospital before she passed. I was working 2 jobs, so I would go to work, get off and head to the hospital. If she was living there, so was I. I remember laying on the couch next to her wondering what is really going on and why did she keep it a secret for so long. The fluids were going to her brain. Some nights she didn’t know who I was or where we were. I just remember telling myself don’t cry in front of her. Stay strong for her because everything is going to be okay and she’s going to come home. She never made it home. We had our little talks, how beautiful she looked, how we couldn’t wait for her to come home and go out and travel. She had 2 surgeries scheduled that would fix everything, so the doctors said. They both were scheduled to take place at the same time but her body was too weak. She went into an induced coma. That, by far, was one of the most painful things I’ve ever seen. That wasn’t my mom. I couldn’t handle it, I walked out. She eventually came out of it, and when she did, we talked more and I told her you are going to be so much better once we are out of here. She told me she loved me and grabbed my hand.
The hardest part was telling her to just go because I knew I still needed her here. I couldn’t be selfish though. It wasn’t about me anymore. It was about her. She had lived her life to the fullest.
As a body waxer, I had the support of my guests, and I remember when I knew my mom’s time was coming to an end, they had said forget the job, you only have one mom. I took the time off but when I came back, they welcomed me with open arms, not just my guests but my coworkers too. They knew it was tough but they were there for me. One coworker in particular was J*. Her and I were never really close until my mother passed. She didn’t know my mom but she had this special gift that allowed her to connect with my mother. That was the biggest blessing of it all. She helped aid me through this battle while she was fighting a similar one. She showed the love she had for me, she is always someone to put others first. Without her I would have been completely lost. I could never thank her enough.
You never really know when things are going to be okay, but okay in my eyes was when J* helped me connect with my mom. She helped to put my mind to rest that my mom was okay and resting peacefully after years of pain.
My current situation that I am fighting right now with an ex is having me wish I had my mama right here beside me. She was my rock. First off, she would slap me upside my head. She would look into every detail of what’s going on and have all the legal answers. She would have stopped the world just to make sure I was straight in life. She would be by my side cheering me on even if she didn’t agree with my decisions. After months and months of living in misery in a bad relationship, I knew my mom was giving me signs to just go. I remember I had a friend come back into my life when I least expected it. Someone I hadn’t spoken to in months, but it’s like he was sent back into my life to show me what a real man was. How a lady was suppose to be treated. to show me what was real, and how people should be treated. He showed me if I did leave, I wouldn’t be alone, I would have my family back and more. I got the courage to leave in October and it was the best decision of my life.
If I could tell my mom anything, I would tell her, first and foremost, I love you and miss you terribly. You were the most amazing and beautiful woman I knew. You shined even on your darkest days. You brought joy into so many people's lives and you still do. You were the glue that held us all together. Mama you will forever be my #1 lady. You will forever be my sanity. You are the one who pushes me to be a better me. Thank you for everything that you’ve done while on Earth. Thank you for being my mama! Thank you for working so damn hard so we could have a chance at life. Last but not least, thank you for being you !
Your Lil Bug